Rude-amentary Behavior

If people treat you a certain way, do you treat them the same way back? How do you respond to someone who is blatantly rude?

For instance, god love her but my mother is the rudest person I know. I don't know where she gets off acting the way she does. Every time she behaves this way I make sure I shove a mirror in her face so she can see how ugly she is portraying herself. My sister asked her a simple question and because she didn't want to answer or be bothered, she retorted with a rude SHUT UP. I mean really! How rude. The thing that bothers me is that she doesn't care she is being totally rude. To top things off, she wants complete respect from her children after she speaks to us like this. It's really unbelievable. This could be IS the very reason she and I don't get along. To everyone else, it's normal behavior for her. Unlike my counterparts (my sisters), i don't take shit from her. I don't care that she is my mama.

How annoyed I am right now is proof that I'm done with this little vacation. My stay is definitely over welcomed. I might need to leave before things get serious.

Home for the Holidays

Who said you can't go home?

I never thought I would be so excited to come back to the town I once ran away from. Anticipating the stinging heat of the sun at high noon and welcoming the the slowness of the southern town. Temperatures are hitting the mid 80s for the holiday season. I welcomed the 60 degree difference with open arms!

My flight home on the other hand was NOT what I expected. It must have been a while since I flew anywhere because everything seemed so foreign. The stiffness in my back and neck from the 2 hour flight. The horrible closeness of other passengers. Which by the way doesn't help when one of the might need to use the bathroom. Toxic gas on a WHOLE other level, ICK! I one point I really thought...no really know I was about to blow chunks. Thankfully, Delta showed a in flight movie. I highly recommend Fred Claus...HILARIOUS. Only Vince Vaughn can pull off sibling resentment comically. Thinking that my vacation was starting off on the wrong foot, my spirits lifted when I took in the scene of the cleanest airport ever! Coming from JFK, I believe any airport is the cleanest really. Looking around and seeing the lavish digs, I realized I was home.

Seeing my sisters waiting for me at the curb sent an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I missed for awhile. It jumped three more levels when my parents welcomed me home with open arms. Mind you my flight landed at 12:30am and I didn't get home until 2am, but it didn't matter to them. I was so excited that I couldn't go to sleep.

I'll be home for the next two weeks and hope things just get better. I'll keep you posted.

Happy Holidays!

Are You a Good Person?

If someone were to you give you an opportunity at a new lease on life, would you be deserving of it?

I have been pondering this question for the past couple of hours. Earlier this evening I watched the movie "Seven Pounds", and the premise behind the movie was interesting to say the least. Not to spoil it for anyone that hasn't seen the movie, I won't get into any details. The question throughout the movie that the lead character would ask was "Is this person a good person?". The main character was dealing with the tough decision of who deserves another chance and if the person is worthy of it.

The art of sacrificing one's self for another person is a skillful art. Not a lot of people can do it. So, it got me thinking. Would I do it? No...could I do it? I want to say that I would if the person deserved it. I want to think that I am a good person and that I make right choices, but if it was my life or someone else I'm not sure if I can sacrifice myself. Does that make me a bad person?

This is definitely something I will be thinking about from now until well after the new year. Hopefully people will get a lot out of this movie. I know I did.

Current Longings

I haven't seen my family in almost a year and I'm starting to get homesick. I miss my mother's off key singing to carols. My dad's grumbling about unneeded decorating for the holiday. My little sister freely walking around the house without pants scheming on the food being cooked. My older sister trying to change the way the house has been run since we were born. The thought of family all around me, even at time when I can't stand them, I still want them around. I miss the little things that got on my nerves before.

Love. Something I always wished for over my years. Experienced once or twice, but it was never reciprocated. Well, I don't think it it has. As I get older, I want it more than ever. But some how it seems to escape me. Relationships that I start don't end up how I figure them to. It's not really my place to make something out of nothing.

Family and love are the two things I long for right now.

New Direction

I know it's been awhile, but I have GREAT news!

I just completed my first course in the Editing program at NYU. It was a proofreading course for book publishing. I passed with an A and got rave reviews from my instructor. She informed me that I was the best she seen so far and that I have an innate skill in picking out imperfections. *HIGH FIVE* I was extremely blown away. I started this program to give me insight on the publishing industry. If I had what it took to actually be a book or magazine editor. To my delight, I DO! Just hearing that I have what it takes to make it in the industry gave me hope and motivation to push forward with my dream. To make things even better, my instructor has recommended me for a proofreading position at PEGUIN BOOKS!! *Doing the happy dance*

I can't believe all these great things are happening. I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch, but I'm just so excited. I'll definitely keep you posted on upcoming events.

Until next time...

All the Single...Men?!!

The Beyonce skit from SNL was the FUNNIEST thing I've seen in a while from SNL. It still has me rolling...

Enjoy :)

Bee skit @ (Nov 15 2008)
by thebeyoncenetwork

the Incredible Shrinking Woman

For the past 5 months I've been taking the steps to shed some unwanted weight. In March I got a rude awakening at the doctor's office that sent me into a hyperventilating hysterical fit. But, once I received the news I vowed to make a difference in my life.

In June, after 3 months of self pity and wallowing in my new found plumpness. I started to take the measures to lose the weight. I started by curbing my appetite. I like food. Always have and always will. So, I knew I couldn't do the Lohan-Richie plan. I'm a healthy eater so I knew I wasn't eating the wrong things. The culprit was my ravishing appetite.

Now, I'm happy to say I am 40lbs lighter and smiling from ear to ear. After a family event last night left me reeling from all the great compliments, I can finally see the difference.

25 is of to a great start and I can't wait to see how it's going to end. Hopefully I'll reach my weight goal of losing my last 35lbs.

I'll keep you guys posted. :)

WWYD??

Say you found out that the car you are driving does not have insurance. What you thought you were paying wasn't actually what you were paying. The monthly payments were actually going to something non beneficial to you. What would you do?

I found out last night that my car insurance was canceled for non payment. I have been paying on car insurance monthly to find out I dont have any! The back story as quick as possible...

$80 monthly payment for 8 months + my cousin with a low insurance policy = SWINDLED

Whoever said "Family comes first." Definitely needs a KICK IN THE MOUTH! I'll finish up later...late for class

Feels Like Home...

I just finished painting my living room! It was a labor of love, but its done. Pictures are coming soon.

Next task: Bathroom.

I'll save my bedroom for last. I still got to think about it. I'm so excited. I love creative projects. Once it's done a feeling of completeness takes over and I get all giddy. I love the feeling of satisfaction. Once all my ducks are in line and every room is designed and fixed...I'll have a housewarming. Hopefully end of this month or or the beginning of the new year. With all the holidays coming up, I got to spread the projects out.

The apt is growing on me. Add some paint and decorations, the hood don't look too bad :)

Word of the day: ADAPTATION

Until next time...

Solid as BARACK!

This skit in SNL sums it all up for me and many other Americans. I think Barack should use this song as a staple in his campaign and when he wins the Presidential Elections.

Just like they say in the song..."Solid as Barack. That's what this lead is...That's what we GOT GOT GOT GOT!"

GO OBAMA ~ BIDEN 2008!

Feelings of a FOOL

Feelings. Where do I begin?

You know the urge you get when you know it's wrong, but you can't help but do it anyway? Then you ask yourself "Why?" Well...I'll tell you why? It's those damn feelings! Aagh!

I've been fighting with my feelings for 2 weeks now. Feelings of love and hurt. I grew to love him over a 2 year span and within one day he made that all go away. Now, the love I grew to accept and fight for turned into hurt and pain.

"I was with her for the last night years."

For 2 weeks, I went back and forth between feelings. One day it was easy to hate him and want to inflict pain, but the next day something would remind me of him and love would rush over me like a euphoric wave. This caused me to hurt even more the next day.

"You were right. I lied. I went on vacation with her not my friends."

I replay the conversation between him and I that has placed me in a cocoon of hurt, anger, and sadness. Call me a sadist, but for some reason it helps me. As tell goes on the pain subsides and it's replaced with complacency. It's like I'm stuck in a funk and I want out, but my hurt is overwhelming.

"I didn't meant to hurt you. I care for you more than you know."

Two weeks of no communication. I changed my number and cut my ties. I was doing good. Then he found a way to get a hold of me. WHY? I was doing so good. Since I see myself as a strong person, I figured a one change meeting wouldn't hurt. Boy, was I wrong. It hurt...it hurt so bad. How could I be so stupid? I knew better. I knew it didn't matter how strong I was. He always made me weak for him. I guess at the end of the day my love for him is stronger than my hurt and pain spawned by the situation. With this conclusion, I have to realize that the urges to do wrong with him are enforced by feelings...feelings of a fool.

I'll keep you posted...

Passing Time...

Life is way to short. I feel like I'm behind the curve. Things I wanted to accomplish by a certain age, has not been completed. I'm just starting the process of getting my masters degree, and most of my peers have already completed them. I know you can't compare your life to others, but I can observe, right? My observation has brought to my attention that I need to take the molasses out my ass! Things need to be accomplished. So, I'm making a list. This should be interesting.

Stay tuned...

30 days and counting...

This might be my new obsession...

Ok, my friend put me on to this blogging site. With facebook and myspace taking over young minds...we seem to forget about simple things.

I'm gonna kick it old school for a minute and tell you about my very first experience at blogging...It was 14 years ago. You are probably thinking " How can that be? Blogging is a recent trend." Well I was doing it back when it was called keeping a journal/diary. Being a avid reading and writer growing up, I always wrote my thoughts and feelings down. To keep my sanity in a house full of very different personalities with non matching my own, was something very important to me. I am the middle child with 2 sisters that ranked on opposite ends of the spectrum. One being years older and very authoritative. She was first in line to fuck up. First in line to criticize when you fuck up, but don't you dare tell her that she did the same thing too. The other being years younger and very cynical. She is last in line to fault you for your wrongs. Last in line to accept her wrongs, because in her world everyone is against her. But she, like all younger siblings, gets to collect all the knowledge of the fuck ups and accomplishments to make her life peachy keen! So, keeping a journal was my salvation.

I switched to blogging when my mother got her detective badge overnight. Keeping a paper trail of all my thoughts, feelings, and even worse my indiscretions was not a good look! My mother had a nose of a basset hound when it came to secrets and scandals. Too many times I caught my mother snooping through my room, looking for ANYTHING to quench her thirst for an ass whooping. So thanks to mother dearest, I shredded all the years of my inner most thoughts and disbursed them little by little through out the house (trash cans, toilets, and fireplace) as well as the neighborhood sewer system. I picked up my computer and began my relationship my blogging. Ya'll must have thought I was joking about my mother...NEGATIVE. That woman thrives on jigsaw puzzles. Enough said...

Today marks 30 days before a milestone birthday. I figured I'd chronicle my thoughts and feelings prior, as well as, after. A lot of things have been changing in my life. Good, bad, and well unspeakable. I need to get back to some comfort.

So, let's see how this goes. I'll unload all my deepest thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Clearing my mind and heart of unwanted junk. And you...well...let's just say you can sit back, pop some popcorn, and indulge in the show. This should be good...

Until next time...

Femme Fatal