I told you guys that I would initiate the Question of the Day blogs and well we have our first suggestion.
It comes from a newly acquired homegirl. She was a friend in my head before we actually were literally friends. LMAO! Don't act like you don't do the same thing. Call people friends before they know it. Luckily for me, she accepted my quirkiness and we became fast friends like we were already in my head. Let's call her Black Diamond, B. Di for short.
Earlier today she hit me up with a commonly asked question that plagues the minds of many people single, attached, etc.
"Can a Man and a Woman be platonic friends?"
Below is her rationale behind the very confusing situation:
"Chris Rock said it best when he compared platonic friendships to being "(Fill in the opposite sex utensil) In a Jar". The jar comes with instructions that read "BREAK IN EMERGENCY". But what constitutes an emergency? What happens to the friendship post breakage? Is there a point pre-breakage that one mentions the urge to shatter glass or does one ignore the feelings and carry on with the relationship?
It seems only natural that male and females are attracted to one another in friendship. Personally throughout my undergraduate years I had lots of male platonic friendships. I credit my ability to maintain the purity of these friendships to my 'unavailability' due to a Boo back at home. As a result, I cooked & got free meals out in return, borrowed their cars, got man work done in my apt done, had innocent late night movie sessions, the occasional sleepover (with them on the floor or at least a pillows length between us), had movers on hand at the end of each semester, guaranteed study buddies, had group members for projects, and of course got the answers to tests and finals when in need. (Damn, now that I think about it I had it made!) And all of these luxuries were afforded based on one simple principle I made up and lived by, "I am the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden". And it was true. All men want what they can't have. My male friendships could have been ruined if they ate the fruit so I held on to it. Some I let get closer than others but for the most part, I was the girl on campus the guys loved to wonder about but never got to taste- if you will. There was the undoubted flirting and most tried once or twice to holler but after the first 3 rejections, they pretty much decided to live with the choice of being a friend and 'keeping hope alive'. But I always knew I really liked him if he came to me raving about his crush and my stomach dropped to my feet. I realized then he had officially placed me in the friend category and I was going to be his therapist and special charm to get and keep the girl; well of course if I liked that is. My MO as the cool 'homegirl' still had its perks but once my male friend had crossed into the arms of another woman, I was stuck on the outside sometimes regretting that I did not say anything to him about my initial feelings. But in other cases, it turned out for the best. 9 times out of 10 my friendships grew and are still vital to this day. My male friends help tremendously in my own relationship debacles and they are like sponges to my sensitive side- I love it! ;-)
But what happens when we grow up and the collegiate games of yester-year are over? The days of flirting while cooking dinner are over because they all want dessert. The option to ride in cars that aren't mine don't exist, I mean unless I have gas to provide. Nor is it free to have men re-locate my belongings without the suggestion of fluffing my mattress. Everything has a price these days and unless it is crystal clear that things aren't going to be PG and Mickey Mouse there is always that option to break a few glasses. I mean honestly, think about your platonic friendships. There is a rare exception that unless they were cultivated as children, in high school or while in college, at our ages there stands a wee bit of room for extracurricular activity. Why else would you have been drawn to be friends? There is a natural attraction between men and women and sometimes the connection isn't instant but over time, the way he makes you laugh or the way she always is there for you is shed in a whole 'nother light. And this is where I struggle. At what point do I choose to tap the glass and perhaps create a crack? Or is it better to remain platonic and no one gets hurt? I wasn't sure if I was the only one who felt this way so I asked my buddy Sunny what she thought............"
Ok, I know that was a mouth full but you have to say B. Di has some valid points. There was no editing this excerpt. So, the question is out there.
"Can a Man and a Woman be platonic friends?"
I straddle the fence on this one. I totally hear what B. Di is saying, but I don't totally agree with it. It has parameters that need to be addressed. For instance, you can be platonic friends with the opposite sex IF the relationship purely starts off that way. JUST FRIENDS. You can't expect to be platonic if it was the result of a failed romantic attempt. Feelings are a son of a bitch and cause chaos whenever they feel like it. In B. Di's case, attraction is the corner stone of any kind of relationship. You are attracted to people's qualities, personalities, looks, etc. So it's natural to fall for a friend at some point in time, but its mind over matter to help you stick your ground. Jealousy is Feelings older, more coniving cousin. Together they reek havoc on your friend structure. Once you get past it, things get easier.
So, I say YES you can be platonic friends with the opposite sex if it purely starts off that way and you have a handle on the rash of feelings that may or may not occur. I also say NO you can't because if its a failed attempt at keeping a failed romantic situation alive it will not work. It will cause more trouble than peace.
Alright, so what do you ya'll think?
